Unexpected

I remember the day like it was yesterday.  As I sit here I don’t see how a year has gone by.  It has flown, yet been the longest, hardest year of my life.

August 26th, 2016

I’m in Boston today, have the day off from work.  I work in Boston during the week and head to NY to spend the weekend with my husband.  I decided to spend some time shopping and had a nice, long conversation with my husband.  I couldn’t wait to get to NY Sunday as we were taking our son and his girlfriend on a boat ride on Lake George.  As we always did, we ended the call with, “I love you”.  I went to the gym and spent an hour working out and used the pool for the first time since joining.  My husband worked an overnight shift at work and he texted me when he returned home to let me know he would call me when he got up.  August 27, 2016.  My daughter came to town so I took her and her boyfriend shopping and out to lunch.  When 1:30 rolled around and my husband hadn’t called, I wasn’t too concerned as he has been late calling me before.  We started heading home and by 2 I still hadn’t heard from him.  I was starting to get nervous.  I called the apartment manager and begged them to go check on him.  His car was still there.  Obviously I had called and texted him a million times by then.  They knocked on the door and he didn’t answer.  I begged them again to please go in, that he didn’t have any weapons and maybe you would startle him but he wouldn’t hurt you.  In the meantime I called his work and they said he didn’t show up.  HE ALWAYS SHOWS UP!  The man who answered the phone said he would contact his boss and send him over.  It was then  I knew.  I just knew.  My daughter kept saying I was worrying about nothing and dad was going to be mad for making such a big deal.  I was already crying.  How did I know?  How? I am sitting on the floor leaning against the ottoman crying.  My daughter is on the couch with her boyfriend and her dog Sophie.  I am waiting for someone to call me.  My husbands boss finally calls, but it’s not him on the line, it’s the police.  He identified himself and all I could say was, what???  He said, “I’m sorry he passed away”.  I screamed and screamed, no, no no!  My daughter looked at me in horror and asked me, what?  I had to tell her that her dad had died.  The sound that came from her will always be in the back of my mind.  She became completely hysterical and was hitting windows and going around the house yelling over and over, that he’s mine, he’s mine.  Over and over and over again.  At this point I don’t know what to do.  I am simply lost.