After a horrible night in a hotel, we make our way to the funeral home. We sit there numb as the director asks us question after question. Questions I don’t want to answer. My children are distraught, my son’s girlfriend and my daughters boyfriend are not much better. No one wants to eat, sleep, or sit in a funeral home answering questions. The only thing we want to know at this point is can we see him? After getting through the funeral home, we go back to the hotel to attempt to get things ready for Friday. My son is going to give a eulogy and I have to put a music list together to play in the background. We are also getting photos together to share with everyone. The question is why are we doing all this? I want to die, I don’t care about getting picture and music together, but I do it because what is my other option?
The next morning we are heading over to see Bart one last time. I am so afraid but have to be strong for the kids. The funeral home he is at is an hour away as that was closest to home. We arrive and I go first. I see him laying there and I am done. How can the most wonderful, kindest person in the world be gone? I beg him to come back to me. I apologize for anything I can think of that I may have done wrong. I tell him I can’t do this without him. He looks so peaceful that I almost want to take a picture, but don’t and I regret it now. I hug him, I kiss him and I cry and cry and cry. My daughter went next and it is as horrible as you can imagine I want to run to her and just hug her but I know I can’t. Everyone needs their own time with him. My son goes next and I can tell how hard it is for him too. I feel bad for men sometimes because they do feel the need to be strong and it sucks My daughter sits close to me and I tell her that I lost your dad I can’t lose you too. She said she can’t look at me, it’s too painful and I know we have a long road ahead. It absolutely tears me apart that I have to leave him there and that he is going to be cremated. I will never see him again.
The next few days are a blur. We move to a hotel closer to the other funeral home. My sister comes to town and my brother comes too. I have two family members I can rely on our of 4 siblings. They don’t disappoint. Friends come over, we hang out at the pool and visit with friends. We get ready for the 2nd worst day of our lives.
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