So apparently I suck at blogging since its been three years since I wrote the last posts. My therapist recommended it as apparently I’ve developed a case of OCD.  It is pretty bad and consumes most of my night. It involves self harm. The funny thing is, no one would know.  I mean no one. I keep it all to myself.  I don’t want to burden my children or my friends. Three years and I am still dying inside. Every day there are reminders that I am alone.  The only person I could rely on and talk to every single day is gone.  A lot of great things have happened since he died.  My daughter earned her masters in teaching, married an amazing man and will have a great life.  My son married an amazing woman that I adore and is in law school.  Ivy League, top of his class.  I am alone.  Yes it is a pity party.  I have a dog.  That is it. What am I supposed to do? I want to run away.  I run every day.  I take trips and still I am running.  My daughter started a blog.  She called to tell me about it since I would see it.  I feel I could copy and paste and change the name to my own.  We are living the same life.  She doesn’t understand and I don’t fault her at all.  This is the worst thing that has happened to her.  I have lost my step dad and my mom and it was horrible.  After my husband died, I no longer grieve my parents. It is a whole new ball game when it is your spouse.

I started traveling as a way to cope and run and avoid.  I go to places my husband and I discussed. I went to Nice in 2018. This year I went to London and Paris, which was amazing.  But I was alone.  I go to California frequently and as of this writing I am in Miami.  Next is Toronto. It’s running, that’s all it is.  It has to stop